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by K.Korystova


A witch-student - Arina Kravchenko
A wizard-student - Mitya Sereda
1st witch - Ulya Grishina
2nd witch - Kate Brilyova
3rd witch - Ann Gamayeva
4th witch - Ann Barnagova
Blacky - Denis Ladanov
1st forest elf - Anthony Zakharov
2nd forest elf - Mitya Sereda


(A witch-student and a wizard-student are sitting under signs: 1 "Witch School Alchemistry Lab", 2 "Periodical System of Alchemical Elements". He has a laptop, she has a looking glass.)
Wizard. Are you ready to start? Hey! Are you dreaming again? It's our last chance to do this test again! Listen and do what I say! (Clicks the mouse of his laptop.) Take a dried bat and weigh it. Our bats are not standard.
Witch. (Looks into her looking glass, then takes a dry bat, weighs it.) 1.874.
Wizard. It's a little less than we need, but still it's OK!
Witch. (Shrugs her shoulders and adds one more bat into the cauldron).
Wizard. A handful of dragon's teeth.
Witch. 2.351.
Wizard. I guess it's quite enough.
Witch. (Looks at the string of dragon's teeth and then puts the "necklace" on her neck and looks into her looking glass)
Wizard. Did you do it?
Witch. Of course!
Wizard. Now listen and do not change anything: 3 dried mice, 4 toadstools, 5 deadcaps. Understood?
Witch. Certainly! (She does everything wrong.)
Wizard. You should stir it properly!
Witch. (Looks for something to stir with, takes somebody's broom and stirs up the mixture with it, smells it, makes a grimace of disgust.) I think, something is definitely going the wrong way! I just don't know what!
Wizard. (Comes up and smells.) What have you done? And the dragon's teeth…!!! Oh, no!!!!
Witch. Let's ditch!
Wizard. It's too late! Help me, quickly! Give me something to cover it! (They cover the cauldron with some lead and press it down. The curtain. The sound of explosion. A lot of soap bubbles.)


(Some landscape, a sort of an opening in a small wood. On the background there is some hill. Two witch-girls fly on brooms.)
1st Witch. Stop! Stop! Can you see that hill? (She turns around.)
2nd Witch. Where? (She looks around.)
1st Witch. This one! (She puts her finger at the hill.)
2nd Witch.Why are you shouting? I can't see your hill anywhere!
1st. Why?
2nd. Why?! Why?! Why! I think you are hallucinating!
1st. What?!!! Oh… I forget you can't see any distant object without glasses.
2nd. Yes, I'm short-sighted and I'm proud about it! Don't you know all intelligent people are short-sighted and that they wear glasses?
1st. But it concerns intelligent people. What do you have to do with them?
2nd. But I have glasses.
1st. I wonder, what do you need them for? You never put them on.
2nd. Yes! I do put them on. Look! (She takes out a pair of very big glasses and puts them on proudly)
1st. (Aside) Well, yea, you put them on…when I tell you about it.
2nd. Excuse me? What did you say?
1st. No problem, forget it! (In a mentoring manner) Look at this mountain. What can you see? You can see a beautiful place for our party.
2nd. (Imitating) What can you see? Can you see… a little hill with many trees and are these trees very big and is the wood thick? Can you see a beautiful place to scratch your skin and to tear your clothes?
1st. What?
2nd. What! What? The Witches Council instructed us to find a new mountain with a bare top for our witch party. But I can't see that this hill is a mountain and I can't see that the top is bare.
1st. And you think…
2nd. And I think we must find another mountain.
(They are both disappointed. They climb their brooms and fly away)


(Evening. They are tired and fly back)
1st. Well, I guess we haven't found a mountain.
2nd. Guess not.
(New witches appear)
1st and 2nd. (In chorus) Oops!
3rd. I heard you haven't found the mountain!
4th. (She flies in a little later) Is that true?
1st. No, but…
3rd. You were to find a new mountain for our party. If you don't find it till midnight you will fly on your old brooms next year. And, besides, you will be forbidden to come to witch parties.
4th. (She pleads) Girls, you simply must find the place for the party, please! You know, in our traditional place people have built a city. And we can't be left without a party.
3rd. don't forget!
4th. Bye, girls!
3rd. Good luck!
(They fly away)


1st. How do you like that? As if they can't help us. How selfish!
2nd. Yes! Yes! What can we do? We have only four hours! Yeah…
1st. (With a sigh) We have only one choice.
2nd. What choice?
1st. We should prepare our party on my mountain.
2nd. But trees, we can't cut them down!
1st. I have a brilliant idea!
2nd. What's your idea?
1st. (Laughs) Oh, I know, some friends…
2nd. (Annoyed) What friends?
1st. You don't know forest elves?
2nd. I don't have to know all of your friends, as you have an uncountable crowd of them.
1st. (Innocently) Is that bad?
2nd. I think, there should be only one friend, a real one, a true one!
1st. OK! OK! OK! We must call our friends. You'll call your friend, I'll call my friends. But I don't know your friend. Is he an illusion? A spirit? A ghost? A Hallucination?
2nd. (Indignantly) No! And you…
1st. OK! OK! OK! Call him!
2nd. But for what ?
1st. So that I knew that your friend is not virtual. Call him.
2nd. Oh! ……. OK. Blacky! Puss-puss-puss!


(From the bushes)
Blacky. Miaw! (Sings).
All people always say:
"We must turn black cats away!
They can cause disaster! And
They are very, very bad!"
Oh! Poor, poor Blacky cat!
Oh, Poor, poor Blacky cat!
We are clever, this is right!
But black cats can't look like white!
People turn black cats away,
We can't see a happy day!
Oh! Where's, where's a happy end?!
Oh! Stupid people, a poor cat!

But with witches, dear witches,
I am glad, I'm very glad!
1st. Oh, I see your friend. He is like you!
2nd. Like me?
2nd. Crazy!
Blacky. Polite and kind!
1st. (Indignantly) And when is he going to say hello?
Blacky. (Several times with different intonation and gestures) Hello! Hello!
2nd. Ok! Ok! Ok! And you? I haven't heard you say "Hello!"
1st. What? He is a boy!
Blacky. That is a fact!
2nd. Yes, and he is a cat, if you remember!
Blacky. And that is a fact. A black cat.
2nd. And stop teaching him, he is my cat!
Blacky. What? All people know! Cats always walk by themselves!
1st. (to the 2nd) You are impossible to talk to! (to the cat). Cat! Look at me! Answer my questions exactly! The shorter - the better!
2nd. It's her all over!
Blacky. Shorter? Ok!
1st. Who are you?
Blacky. Cat. Cat Black! (imitating famous "James, James Bond").
1st. Really? Incredible! (mockingly). I asked: What is your name?
Blacky. Blacky!
1st. What a beautiful name! Are you sure your name is not Snowball?
Blacky. Are you sure you have good eyesight? Aren't you a daltonist? Sorry! I forgot you had flown out fron the first course of Sorbonna on your broom. Daltonist is a colour blind person.
1st. (hisses). I am not…What do you call it? … a colour blind person!
Blacky. Don't worry, we can easily check! I'll show you one thing and if you can make out what it is, everything is all right with you! If you can't, I think, my poor witch, you have to borrow your friend's eyeglasses.
1st. What! I am not going to tell you about it whether I'll see it or not! My eyes are Ok! And I know it!
Blacky. Ok! But I will ask you to say something. No offence, it's just a scientific experiment!
1st. (Shrugs her shoulders).
Blacky. Look! (Shows her a dead mouse).
1st. (Screams). What is it? Take this trash away! (Steps aside).
Blacky. (Comes nearer, with his hand to his ear). Excuse me! I can't hear! You haven't said anything yet! What is this object? Can you see it?
1st. Take it away!
Blacky. (Sadly. Takes the mouse away). As I expected, you have failed to identify the object. But I can help you. I have nice new glasses for you!
2nd. (Sick and tired). Stop, Blacky! And… Blacky, you should apologize!
Blacky. (Pathetically) I am so, so sorry!
1st. Uhu, I see! (After a shock, as if frozen).
2nd. Ok! But where are your friends?
1st. Oh! Yes..I think they are somewhere near about! (Nocks with a handle of her broom).
1st., 2nd., Blacky. (Looks around).
Blacky. Where?
1st. Well… Er…It's strange, they usually appear at once! (Knocks again).
2nd. May be, they have been following us all the time and now they are afraid to appear and tell the truth.
1st. Oh-ho-ho! (Neither denying nor agreeing).
(The sounds of rustling. Repeated questions of the 1st. and the 2nd.)
1st., 2nd. WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
1st forest elf. (Comes out in a decisive military manner). (Barks out) Good day!
1st Witch. (Nods and looks expressively) (Quietness). Where are the others?
1st forest elf. (Remembers smth. Annoyed. Waves his hand). Come here!
2nd forest elf. (Comes out awkwardly, breaks branches). (Stumbles). H-h-i-i-i!
1st Witch. I think you know what problem we are discussing here.
Elves. No, no!
Blacky. (To himself). What a good company! One can't see normally, the others have problems with hearing.
Elves. Why do you think we have problems with hearing? (Threatening).
Blacky. (Sarcastically) Sorry but I think if you didn't have such problems with your ears, you would hear all the words which were said here.
Elves. Why?
Blacky. Because bushes move by themselves only in case curious elves are hiding behind or under them. (Imitates them comically. His witch friend starts laughing. The elves join. The last one to join them is gloomy, skeptical witch No 1)
1st Witch.(Stops laughing). Stop! Listen! Look! This is our… mountain.
Blacky. I am afraid it hasn't been shaved for a long time.
1st Witch. This is our mountain.
Blacky. Oh, sorry! I forgot you have problems with eyes!
1st Witch. What? (Stamps her feet.)
2nd elf. Dear witches, can't you use some magic to make these trees disappear?
Blacky. (With a clever look.) I protest! It's a provocation! You suggest breaking ecological balance.
2nd Witch. This is a very interesting idea but I am afraid our mission is impossible.
Elves. Why?
2nd Witch. We forgot necessary magic words.
1st elf. (Roars.) Everybody calm down! Stand still! Listen to my command! Get ready to pull trees out with your own hands without any magic!
Blacky. Stop! I protest! Think about ecology!
1st witch. (To 2nd elf) And what do you think?
2nd elf. Oh, well. I think…(Stumbles on the place).
2nd Witch. I know, you can't think at all (She is tired.)
2nd elf. What? (Waves his hands, drops something on the cat, the cat "flies up" to the top of the tree). Sorry!
2nd Witch. Oh, my sweet Blacky! Puss- puss- puss!
1st Witch. (Closes her ears with her fingers)
1st elf. So, I see no objections, we are starting (Takes the nearest tree trying to pull it out. The other elves follow his example. The 1st is half-fainted. The 2nd elf tries to pull out the tree with the cat.)
2nd Witch. Stop! My cat is there! (She strikes the broom against the floor. A magic sound, noise - the cat jumps down from the tree shouting. The 1st directs her broom to the right, the tress move to the right, the elves are dragged by the moving trees).
Blacky. Oh, Miaw! Wow! How have you done it? (To the elves).
Elves. (Not self-confident yet. There is some food in the perspective).
2nd. (In a trembling voice). Blacky!
Blacky. What? Look!
2nd Witch. (Turns to the food). Ah! (Holds the broom tight to herself. Everything moves back. Food is not seen any more. The elves are "dragged" synchronously.)
2nd Witch. Ah! (Moves her hand, waves her broom, everything moves again).
1st Witch. Stop!
2nd Witch. What has happened?
1st Witch. Stop! It's your broom! Don't move! Stand still like the Statue of Liberty!
1st elf. Attention! Everybody stay at your place! Slowly put the broom down and slowly step aside! Don't you worry!
(2nd witch does it. Everybody is glad and breaths out relaxed. The trees stand still).
1st Witch. It's five minutes to twelve! (Looks at her glass clock)'
Blacky. Oh! Five minutes more and your evil witch boss will personally fly here.(It gets dark. The moon, the stars)
Elves. (In chorus) We must hide!
Blacky. (Hides behind the basket with food and pulls sausage stealingly)
4th Witch. (Flies in) Hi!
1st, 2nd witches. Hello!
3rd Witch. A good place! A very good one!
1st, 2nd witches. (Relaxed) O-oh!
3rd Witch. I see the dinner is ready! Well done. (Comes nearer but stands by the lying broom accidentally). Can I see what is there on the table? What's on the menu today? (Blacky is afraid of being eaten. The 2nd witch waves her hand to the cat to go away. The cat starts crawling to the trees with a sausage in his mouth. It happens just behind the3rd Witch. The 2nd elf drops something again. He pops out of bushes as he helps Blacky to replace the food.)
3rd Witch. (Turns back to the sound). What's up?
Blacky. Excuse me! ( Raises his top hat up and bows, some food in his mouth).
3rd Witch. A cat?! (Steps aside and kicks the broom)
1st, 2nd. witches. The broom! (The broom rolls on! Moving stars, music, dancing Elves. Everything stops after some time)
4th Witch. Amazing! Fantastic! You've done it! Such a beautiful party! (The elves come ahead)
3rd Witch. Bravo! (Claps her hands! 1st, 2nd witches clap too, everybody bows and disappears dancing. The cat is the last one, eating up his sausage)
Blacky. Ladies and gentlemen! Thank you very much! Thank you for your attention!

The end!

Школа "Муми-тролль"
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